Delicious Placebo

I have not written anything in a long time. I could rattle off a list of reason, or excuses, why. The fact though is that just like many other things in my life, I feel like I shouldn’t do it if I can’t do it perfectly. This attitude has really only come about since the last major bout with my illness. I wasn’t this scatterbrained before. I don’t blame any one thing in particular (the ECT, the meds, the constant anxiety) but I know that it is a million times harder for me to think clearly now. I start sentences that I can’t finish because I can’t remember which words mean what. I have composed several bits of brilliant blog material in my head, but never put them down on paper (as it were). I want to be me again. I don’t know if it’s possible to be the me that I was before without also taking back the impending doom that hung over me. I don’t want to turn this into a post about my health and my symptoms. I’m just trying to get across the point that I have an incredibly hard time doing things.

I don’t know where I was going with this when I started writing. I knew that I wanted to put something down so that firing up the ‘ol blog wouldn’t seem like such a daunting task. I’m telling myself that nobody expects anything from me, so if I don’t do anything, nobody gets let down (except me). Guess that’s it for now. Hello world, I’m still here.