Delicious Placebo

Week number two of no work for me.  My psych appointment got delayed another week so right now, I can’t even be cleared to go back until after the 8th.  I don’t qualify for disability until I’ve been absent for 30 days so right now I’m using up all my sick, vacation, and personal days.. and then asking others to donate days to me.  Oh joy of joys.  Isn’t it great when you’re so obscenely stressed that you cant work and then on top of that you have extra stress because you’re not working?  I’m finding that everything in life is just one giant catch 22.  I’m eternally damned if I do, and yea, if I don’t too.
Oh, and I broke our new blender tonight.  I am so awesome I can hardly stand it.

I couldn’t handle it.. all that hair.. It has been chopped! No shaved head this time, but its super short again. It feels good and so far I’m happy. Color will be next. I can’t wait to hear what all the people managing my mental health are going to say about this.

The amusing flash game of the day.. Gates vs. Jobs in a duel to the death!

Well.. I guess it was only a matter of time.  I stopped taking my meds back in May because I didn’t like what they were doing to me.  I also don’t like the idea of having to take them every day for the rest of my life.  I guess I really need to come to terms with this idea though because I’ve gone downhill and now I’m off work pending an evaluation and treatment.  I had to call the emergency EAP counselor on Thursday night at work because I was sort of freaking out or having a panick attack or something.  The woman who evaluated me today said “your paper says you are OFF duty.. but we didnt know for how long, so we left it open ended.”  Basicaly, I can’t go back to work until they can prove tht I will be able to function at my job.  I have to burn all of my sick, vacation, and personal time in order to get paid something while I’m off.  I can look into short term disability but don’t know if that applies until after you’re gone for 30 days.  Who knows.  Right now I just want the people in charge to tell me what to do so that I don’t have to think.  I’m glad I have some time off.. maybe it will help.  I don’t know if I could take losing another job (lost my last one in a very similar situation).

I’m feeling so off.  Everything at work is sucky – it’s too hard to readjust to switching shifts.  Stuff is missing from my PC.  One of the techs in the room wants me to install and configure a proxy for him (why he cant manage this on his own, when he is a PC tech, I don’t know).  I didn’t want to get out of bed today.  I wish I had a magic teleporter machine so I could zap away to somewhere snowy and quiet.

-Working day shift this week to do training on new accounts.  I haven’t made them since I worked day shift a year or so ago.  It’s annoying.  The people are annoying.  Being awake during these hours is horrific. The computer they sat me at is FUBAR (and half of the apps I needed were missing).  The keyboard was a biohazard, full of fuzzy sticky nastiness.

-The man brought home the bacon last night (literally!).  It felt good to talk about how our work days were as we drove home after I picked him up.

-It’s amazing how much my mood is affected by sleep (or lack of sleep).  I got a Mountain Dew to drink with lunch.  I should have bought it much earlier because I’m actually working swiftly now.

-I have an owie tooth that I’m getting worked on next week.  I found a dentist who would give me good meds.  Yay for good meds.  Boo for getting food stuck in the giant hole in my tooth every time I eat though.

-Speaking of good meds, the pharm companies need to make some happy pills (anti-depressants)  that work as well as benzos and opiates, but don’t have all the nasty addiction/side effect stuff.  Percocet really mellows me out.