Delicious Placebo

I am so down on myself most of the time. I think I’m a yuk person all around, looks, smarts, success. Product of a bad childhood I guess, but that’s not the point. Sometimes I see a picture of me and I say “wow, I’m kinda cute!” and for just a little while I feel very pleased with myself. So I was looking through Jurry Rig photos and found this
So I just wanted to thank Duncan for taking a super picture and for being super beautiful next to me.

Monday again.. why are the weekends so damn short? I made 17 dreads yesterday while watching the Sopranos. It only took me about two and a half hours to make them from start to finish, that includes steaming. Ok not that many of you know what I’m talking about but that’s what I’m doing these days, making hair. You may have noticed if you’ve gone to my old blog site Delicious Placebo that there is now a splash page/placeholder for the future home of my “store” type thing. I made this awesome wig and so many people liked it that I decided that I was good enough to sell my stuff. So if anyone wants dreads, dreadfalls, or a dread-wig, let me know!! Currently I’m charging for cost of materials plus somewhere in the neighborhood of $50 for time/work. That is only until I get a store made with real prices and real stock.

Well time to get back to work, tomorrow is order deadline so I have a billion phone messages to listen to and emails to answer.

I haven’t posted about this yet because I haven’t been sure what I wanted to say about it. On Wednesday night a friend of mine, Bates, took his own life by jumping from the top of a parking garage in baltimore. We were not really close friends but I don’t think that matters. He was a good person and I always enjoyed seeing him. Today was the funeral. I hate funerals because I don’t like to cry around people (although that has been changing in the last year or so) and because it can just be awkward. There were a LOT of people there, most of them about my age. Bates was 25. He was suffering from severe depression that he kept hidden from most of his friends and family. The minister who spoke said a few things that I thought were very good, one of them was that we should all take some small comfort knowing that he is not suffering any more.
When an old person dies, like a grandparent, after they’ve been in the hospital for a long time or have been very sick, we say the same thing. At least they are not suffering any more. The thing about depression is that people don’t see you suffering. If you are in the hospital hooked up to machines because you have an infection or your organs are giving up, people can tell you suffer. If you live in your own personal hell in your head you are suffering but generaly speaking, nobody knows it.
It was very difficult for me to be at that funeral and listen to person after person get up and talk about things that were much too familiar for me. Well I guess it gives me a reason to be introspective and to look around at the people in my life who love me, and whom I love.

I hope your troubled soul is at peace, Bates.

It seriously blows my mind. The older I get the more I realize how many people there are who are just a total waste of space. When I was younger I thought the world was a great place full of potential with a lot of people who were just misunderstood. Now I know that there are very few people worth spending time and effort on and when you find those people, never let them go.
I’m trying to wrap my head around it, these people. How can you call someone and ask them for money, tell them how broke you are, borrow from their family, wreck your car, ask for another car because you cant afford to get yours fixed, complain.. complain s’more… and still more… and then.. THEN…
Go and buy TWO yes my friends TWO new TVs. And no I’m not talking about little bitty thigns from the thrift shop or anything, I’m talking big-screen-as-tall-as-me and wide-screen-hang-on-the-wall-plasma type tv’s. OMFG what is this world coming to. I SERIOUSLY can not understand.
I am feeling so jaded and restless right now. I want so badly to just drive in to the woods and make myself a little home to live in and never talk to anyone except to come out to see my friends and go to faires.

I’m not a night person, I’m not a night person.. what am I? I don’t like to wake up late and yet I have a hard time waking up early (9:00 is probably my ideal time). I like to stay up late sometimes but in general, I get sleepy and cranky late at night.
I had a really angry mopy post worked up in my head to post today but now that the day is getting on, I’m in a better mood. I still have a headache and I’m stressing over the amount of laundry I have to do but well, thats life.

I just got my computer moved back to my desk and my monitor. Am I the only one who cant read the text/background color combination that I’m using?

Oh yeah, and this too

Pholph’s Scrabble Generator My Scrabble© Score is: 23. What is your score? Get it here.

????????????!!!

Yes Katsucon starts tomorrow and I’m all giddy and whatnot. Woot! I took tomorrow off work which makes it that much more awesome-er.

So on a totally unrelated note, have no noticed that the new VW GTI looks just like…

A Ford Focus, or a Honda Civic hatchback? Seriously, what is wrong with them. I like VW’s because they are different, not because they look like every other car on the road. I think my love for bulldogs and VW hatchbacks go hand in hand. They are both short and wide and low to the ground and.. um they drool a lot? No, seriously though. Look at the new GTI next to the Focus and Civic. First is GTI, then Focus, then Civic. Now what do you think?

I have two questions today. Any insight would be appreciated.

First the easy question: should I spend my tax return on a new computer or use it to pay bills?

And the second question, much more complicated in nature; how do you become something that you want to be? This is what I mean. I was talking about careers with my office mate and discussing how it is silly that kids coming out of high school make lifelong career decisions and then go to college to begin pursuing them. But what if you’re like me and you never really knew what you wanted to do with your life and you’re just starting to figure that out as you go into your 30’s? So I have a job that pays the bills ok, and I like it, but it’s not what I want to do. I’m going to college for something that I like, but it’s not really what I want to do either.
I have debit, I have school loans, I have regular bills to pay. I can’t just stop working to “pursue my dream.” For example, lets say I want to become a freelance photographer. Lets also say I take decent photos so it wouldn’t be a total pipe dream. How do I do that? Where do I start? Is it silly to even consider doing that? Do I need to take classes? Meet people? Put my work out there?

By the way, money is the bane of evil… just thought I’d throw that in, just in case you didn’t know.

to do what everyone else is doing…
http://kevan.org/nohari?name=mdrf_prax

It was an adventerous, long weekend. We all got home safe and sound and now it’s Monday and back to work. It’s funny how you can love your job and still not really want to be at it.
Well we made some new friends last weekend and solidified friendships with a few old acquaintences. Next weekend could be more of the same as we head out to Katsucon. This is my 10th consecutive year at Katsu, well, I did miss two years – 2000 and 2002. I didn’t get to go to the masquerade ball in NJ so I will be sporting my funky nurse outfit at the con this weekend. I wonder if anyone will ask me who I’m dressed as.

If anyone of you fine people are going to be there, let me know so we can hook up for a drink or some people watching.

Fear my Shmoopy!

Mdrf_prax’s Battle Imp is

Eaem

Backstabbing: 3 Dodgin’: 9 Guts: 7 Magic Mojo: 7 Smackdown: 8

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